I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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