Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize