When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
