Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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