we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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