her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
