my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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