You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize