I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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