when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
