You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
