wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
