I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My cat gives me a boner
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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