Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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