Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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