SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
