i don't like sucking hair
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
