We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
