There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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