Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
