I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize