You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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