the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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