Your face is a jimmy john
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
