Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
