I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize