I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize