the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
