I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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