id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
