I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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