p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
