"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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