U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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