Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
