my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
