I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
