It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
