I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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