why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
