Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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