I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
