I can tuck mytits in my pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Randomize
