he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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