alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
