literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
