I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
