I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
