Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
