I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
