You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
