4 words: hood of his car
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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