I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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