You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
