o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
