Only a mothe r could love this liver
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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