i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
