The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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