what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
