why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have post one night stand depression
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
