he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
