Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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