Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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