i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
