im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
