you didnt know i had herpes?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
