Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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