So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
