Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
