you turned your livingroom into a bong?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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