I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
