How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
