hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
