? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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