We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize