He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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