My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
