I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize