Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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