And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize