Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
