you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
