They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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