So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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