you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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