well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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