I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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