so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
