one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
