shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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