Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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