can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
