youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
