after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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