the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
