you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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