Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
