I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were destined to go to rehab together
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
40s are totally the cure
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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