WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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