so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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