I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
