so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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