In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
