my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
