Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
