I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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