after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
