dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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