Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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